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Archive 2009Can photography mend a broken heart?
p.2 #2Can photography mend a broken heart?
I've been there. And it all started when I went to Digital from Film. She was totally against me spending the couple grand for my Canon setup. She was totally non supportive for the passion I had for my photography. It went downhill from there, and she took off.
First year was kind of tough, but my photography was a huge help because it give me a direction to channel my passion and emotions. Some of my best images came from that time.
Things get better, believe me.
Brian
First year was kind of tough, but my photography was a huge help because it give me a direction to channel my passion and emotions. Some of my best images came from that time.
Things get better, believe me.
Brian
Aug 08, 2009 at 12:26 PM
p.2 #3Can photography mend a broken heart?
Hey Phil,
From how you described your relationship with your girl, it did sound like an awesome relationship. But I do have to ask one question? If you had been with her for 12 years, and it truly was that awesome, why hadn't you married her long long ago? For all the time you have spent with her, why not have done it with her as your wife?
I am not asking that in a mean or judging way at all, but simply knowing a bit about relationships, no matter how great they are, there is just something about being married. And while that won't make a relationship perfect, there is something about that step of committement that often helps one to stay together.
I feel for you. And I know there has been lot's of advice of moving on by others here, and maybe that needs to happen, but from what you had described here, I would like to think that there is still hope...
Jim
From how you described your relationship with your girl, it did sound like an awesome relationship. But I do have to ask one question? If you had been with her for 12 years, and it truly was that awesome, why hadn't you married her long long ago? For all the time you have spent with her, why not have done it with her as your wife?
I am not asking that in a mean or judging way at all, but simply knowing a bit about relationships, no matter how great they are, there is just something about being married. And while that won't make a relationship perfect, there is something about that step of committement that often helps one to stay together.
I feel for you. And I know there has been lot's of advice of moving on by others here, and maybe that needs to happen, but from what you had described here, I would like to think that there is still hope...
Jim
Aug 08, 2009 at 01:28 PM
p.2 #4Can photography mend a broken heart?
I haven't read all the replies because I'm not visiting a relationship forum, but I do want to give my input, so I apologize if something similar has already been said. I think one important thing you have to realize is that it will take a while before everything seems normal and you stop hurting. My girlfriend and I of three years just split up not too long ago. We had been planning on getting married and having kids and all that good stuff. The first day for me was unbearable, the second was bad, but as time went on it got easier each day. Now I'm sure it'll be a longer timespan since it has been 12 years and this is probably the only woman you have loved sincerely.
What really helped me get over it quickly was not sitting around pondering it every minute. Well, I did do that the first couple of days. Keep doing what you love doing, whether it's photography or something else. Do stuff that you couldn't before. I used to always go over to my girlfriend's after work. After we split, I felt a freedom like I wasn't obligated to go somewhere, or to give a reason for not going somewhere. Hell, I could just go to some random place for any length of time I wanted and not have to answer to anyone! Keep up the photography. Find new hobbies that you've always thought about but never gotten around to starting. I picked up a welder and started to fab stuff up for my 4wd that I would have never done before of previous priorities with saving for a wedding/marriage.
It may sound rough, but try to get over it and enjoy this new phase in your life. Don't waste too much of your precious time on this Earth being down in a hole. It's really not worth it, there's usually so much to be happy for and you can't focus on just one bad thing.
What really helped me get over it quickly was not sitting around pondering it every minute. Well, I did do that the first couple of days. Keep doing what you love doing, whether it's photography or something else. Do stuff that you couldn't before. I used to always go over to my girlfriend's after work. After we split, I felt a freedom like I wasn't obligated to go somewhere, or to give a reason for not going somewhere. Hell, I could just go to some random place for any length of time I wanted and not have to answer to anyone! Keep up the photography. Find new hobbies that you've always thought about but never gotten around to starting. I picked up a welder and started to fab stuff up for my 4wd that I would have never done before of previous priorities with saving for a wedding/marriage.
It may sound rough, but try to get over it and enjoy this new phase in your life. Don't waste too much of your precious time on this Earth being down in a hole. It's really not worth it, there's usually so much to be happy for and you can't focus on just one bad thing.
Aug 08, 2009 at 02:01 PM
p.2 #5Can photography mend a broken heart?
I had something similar happen to me just over a year ago, although having read your story I suppose it wasn't nearly as bad. She was the only girlfriend I'd ever had, and after four and a half years, she broke up with me, citing reasons that didn't entirely make sense. I later found that she had just fallen for someone else. And then, to my amusement, I found that they broke up after just a couple of months.
Anyway, as I'm only 22 this probably isn't "sage" advice from a lifetime's worth of experiences, but really, just say thanks to everything she has brought to your life thus far, accept what has happened, and be thankful to all the new opportunities ahead of you. It's definitely tough for a while, but hopefully you have some good friends that can take your mind off things. By no means should you stay at home alone at night, because that makes it worse... Set yourself a goal (for instance, I am planning on buying real estate for investment purposes in the next year or two and am saving up on a down payment) and work towards it.
And to answer your first question, going out and taking photos definitely helps. That's what I did for quite a bit in the months immediately after breaking up.
Anyway, as I'm only 22 this probably isn't "sage" advice from a lifetime's worth of experiences, but really, just say thanks to everything she has brought to your life thus far, accept what has happened, and be thankful to all the new opportunities ahead of you. It's definitely tough for a while, but hopefully you have some good friends that can take your mind off things. By no means should you stay at home alone at night, because that makes it worse... Set yourself a goal (for instance, I am planning on buying real estate for investment purposes in the next year or two and am saving up on a down payment) and work towards it.
And to answer your first question, going out and taking photos definitely helps. That's what I did for quite a bit in the months immediately after breaking up.
Aug 08, 2009 at 04:29 PM
p.2 #6Can photography mend a broken heart?
shawn wrote:
I'm really sorry to hear about this. Life can take very tough turns at times.
If it's any consolation, God is always watching and has all the answers - you just have to chase Him for them, sometimes. I know He's there for you, even though it may not make much sense in the moment.
I'll be praying for you.
+2. I try to see the bad times as a way to move closer to the Lord. In the past 7 years, I have had a terrible auto accident where I was life flighted and left with a permanently bad ankle along with several other more minor problems; lost a child at birth; and went through the Stage 4 cancer my wife had. God is good, especially during our times of trial and tribulation. Never doubt that!
I'm really sorry to hear about this. Life can take very tough turns at times.
If it's any consolation, God is always watching and has all the answers - you just have to chase Him for them, sometimes. I know He's there for you, even though it may not make much sense in the moment.
I'll be praying for you.
+2. I try to see the bad times as a way to move closer to the Lord. In the past 7 years, I have had a terrible auto accident where I was life flighted and left with a permanently bad ankle along with several other more minor problems; lost a child at birth; and went through the Stage 4 cancer my wife had. God is good, especially during our times of trial and tribulation. Never doubt that!
Aug 08, 2009 at 05:12 PM
p.2 #7Can photography mend a broken heart?
I don't know if photography can. But when things get tough (we have all been there) nothing puts things in perspective more than some nice walks, a motorcycle ride, or even a drive. You do work though things in your head, you do have time to notice a VERY important thing going on....
The world is still spinning, the birds still fly by, the wind still blows, people still hustle and bustle on the street. Life my friend continues. Take the time....grieve. Personally I embrace the pain as stuff in life is going to happen. But the sooner you embrace it.....and accept that it has happend AND that your still ok despite it happening, the sooner you will realize the blank canvas in front of you is a gift...not a problem.
Don't date right off the bat....take your time (my personal rule is minimum a year after a long relationship) remember who you are.....life will pop a new companion right under your nose when you least expect it.
Don't wallow in your pain...as stuff happens from time to time in our lives....but misery is optional (and your choice).
Good luck on your new journey, and your new adventure. You will heal...and probably be the better for it.
Roman
The world is still spinning, the birds still fly by, the wind still blows, people still hustle and bustle on the street. Life my friend continues. Take the time....grieve. Personally I embrace the pain as stuff in life is going to happen. But the sooner you embrace it.....and accept that it has happend AND that your still ok despite it happening, the sooner you will realize the blank canvas in front of you is a gift...not a problem.
Don't date right off the bat....take your time (my personal rule is minimum a year after a long relationship) remember who you are.....life will pop a new companion right under your nose when you least expect it.
Don't wallow in your pain...as stuff happens from time to time in our lives....but misery is optional (and your choice).
Good luck on your new journey, and your new adventure. You will heal...and probably be the better for it.
Roman
Aug 08, 2009 at 05:19 PM
p.2 #8Can photography mend a broken heart?
What is odd about humans is we are at our most creative states under stress and heart brake. Go out and shoot.....then shoot some more.....it will help heal you and you will probably create some of the best images of your life so far.........Peter
Aug 08, 2009 at 08:53 PM
p.2 #9Can photography mend a broken heart?
Cheer up Phil. You're only 30. That's prime age for getting some hot ladies that are fresh out of their crazy 20's and starting to get their career in line, don't have kids because they were too busy drinking their 20's away and are generally ready to settle down.
On the flip side, 12 years is way too long to have a non-committing relationship. You should have bought the ring a long time ago unless you weren't sure. And if you weren't sure, you should have broke it off then. Sorry if it sounds harsh but I'm pretty sure that's what she is feeling right now.
As I said before, prime picking in your 30's. Go out and get some.
Edit: As Peter Le just mentioned, you are more creative when under mental / emotional stress. Go out and shoot what makes you feel better. I know I did the same thing today and ended up with some superb captures. I'm under a lot of stress lately and just getting the camera out and doing something creative for the heck of it really took a load off and I feel much better now.
On the flip side, 12 years is way too long to have a non-committing relationship. You should have bought the ring a long time ago unless you weren't sure. And if you weren't sure, you should have broke it off then. Sorry if it sounds harsh but I'm pretty sure that's what she is feeling right now.
As I said before, prime picking in your 30's. Go out and get some.
Edit: As Peter Le just mentioned, you are more creative when under mental / emotional stress. Go out and shoot what makes you feel better. I know I did the same thing today and ended up with some superb captures. I'm under a lot of stress lately and just getting the camera out and doing something creative for the heck of it really took a load off and I feel much better now.
Aug 09, 2009 at 12:07 AM
p.2 #10Can photography mend a broken heart?
I suggest getting the book The Game
No, seriously. Not only is it a fantastic read, it can help your confidence meeting new women. I loved this book!
No, seriously. Not only is it a fantastic read, it can help your confidence meeting new women. I loved this book!
Aug 09, 2009 at 01:23 AM
p.2 #11Can photography mend a broken heart?
Ouch that hurts. I'm sure getting out with the camera will help you. Just make sure you deal with your feelings and keep one eye on your future!
Aug 09, 2009 at 09:53 AM
p.2 #12Can photography mend a broken heart?
It sure does hurt Rich.....more than I can take to be honset.
Just wanna say thanks to all you guys that have offered me kind advice and do hope if I can come through it ok I can offer the same advice to others.
I think Photography will help me, but not yet.... i will have to give it time as my head is everywhere at the moment.
Phil
Just wanna say thanks to all you guys that have offered me kind advice and do hope if I can come through it ok I can offer the same advice to others.
I think Photography will help me, but not yet.... i will have to give it time as my head is everywhere at the moment.
Phil
Aug 09, 2009 at 09:58 AM
p.2 #13Can photography mend a broken heart?
Thank God you weren't married, and it wasn't your funeral.
Time heals. A camera is optional.
Time heals. A camera is optional.
Aug 12, 2009 at 08:58 PM
p.2 #14Can photography mend a broken heart?
Phil,
If you still have the money you were saving for a house, go buy a used Ferrari, grab your camera and hit the road. It won't mend your broken heart* but it can turn into a great adventure and you can meet loads of new friends!
Stan
* Broken heart takes about 8 months to mend...
If you still have the money you were saving for a house, go buy a used Ferrari, grab your camera and hit the road. It won't mend your broken heart* but it can turn into a great adventure and you can meet loads of new friends!
Stan
* Broken heart takes about 8 months to mend...
Aug 12, 2009 at 10:38 PM
p.2 #15Can photography mend a broken heart?
I'm reminded of the movie "Shawshank Redemption" in the scene where Tim Robbins breaks into a sewer pipe and crawls in the dark through 500 yards of shit to escape.
Metaphorically speaking, it just happens to be redmonkee's turn to crawl through the pipe. Good news is you'll come out clean on the other side. This is a test of your sprit and character. To paraphrase Nietzsche, that which does not kill you makes you stronger.
BTW, the length of the pipe is up to you alone!
Metaphorically speaking, it just happens to be redmonkee's turn to crawl through the pipe. Good news is you'll come out clean on the other side. This is a test of your sprit and character. To paraphrase Nietzsche, that which does not kill you makes you stronger.
BTW, the length of the pipe is up to you alone!
Aug 13, 2009 at 12:36 AM
p.2 #16Can photography mend a broken heart?
I think in the way of this forum and your willingness to share your personal stuff, photography is helping much more and in a much different way than we all thought.
Aug 19, 2009 at 04:49 AM
p.2 #17Can photography mend a broken heart?
You have my empathies!
Sounds like a week my son suffered through: His house burned on Sunday afternoon. No one was home, fortunately, and the house and all contents were totally demolished. On Tuesday he got two certified letters from IRS: "We're auditing you for two separate years taxes" and all the receipts were ashes! The computer was a melted lump. Fortunately he had back-ups off premesis! His business office was in his home, but he kept back-ups in a safe deposit box.
On Wednesday his wife of ten years terminated the marriage, and on Thursday she married someone else, took the kids and disappeared without leaving a forwarding address! He found them in another state, went to court, and got the kids back, but it cost him dearly! But the rewards were worth it.
Now, four years later, he is very happily married to a wonderful woman who loves his kids like her own, as he loves her sons like his own.
As stated above, these things hurt terribly, but you can go on. Life can be happy again! Give yourself time to heal, get to know yourself, then life will continue to be happy. But time is essential.
Sounds like a week my son suffered through: His house burned on Sunday afternoon. No one was home, fortunately, and the house and all contents were totally demolished. On Tuesday he got two certified letters from IRS: "We're auditing you for two separate years taxes" and all the receipts were ashes! The computer was a melted lump. Fortunately he had back-ups off premesis! His business office was in his home, but he kept back-ups in a safe deposit box.
On Wednesday his wife of ten years terminated the marriage, and on Thursday she married someone else, took the kids and disappeared without leaving a forwarding address! He found them in another state, went to court, and got the kids back, but it cost him dearly! But the rewards were worth it.
Now, four years later, he is very happily married to a wonderful woman who loves his kids like her own, as he loves her sons like his own.
As stated above, these things hurt terribly, but you can go on. Life can be happy again! Give yourself time to heal, get to know yourself, then life will continue to be happy. But time is essential.
Aug 19, 2009 at 10:38 AM
p.2 #18Can photography mend a broken heart?
I'm sorry hopefully you can remain on good terms. Well It happened to me, helped me a lot. Quite like an addiction. I hope everything works out for the best 
Aug 24, 2009 at 06:01 PM
p.2 #19Can photography mend a broken heart?
Cheers for all the kind words and advice guys.
Well its been nearly 3 weeks now and I am slowly starting to think about photography again. I purchased my Canon 100mm 2.8 Macro last week and will be booking a week off work to play with it. I find the best way to deal with this is to keep busy, although by doing this I am merely running away from the problem as my feelings soon overwhelm me when I'm alone and not doing anything.
Like one of you suggested, Photography is helping me but not in the obvious way. Having support from a great community like you FM'ers has really helped and also given me a little perspective. So I'd just like to say thanks guys and if anyone needs me for anything i'd be more than happy to help.
Regards
Phil
Well its been nearly 3 weeks now and I am slowly starting to think about photography again. I purchased my Canon 100mm 2.8 Macro last week and will be booking a week off work to play with it. I find the best way to deal with this is to keep busy, although by doing this I am merely running away from the problem as my feelings soon overwhelm me when I'm alone and not doing anything.
Like one of you suggested, Photography is helping me but not in the obvious way. Having support from a great community like you FM'ers has really helped and also given me a little perspective. So I'd just like to say thanks guys and if anyone needs me for anything i'd be more than happy to help.
Regards
Phil
Aug 25, 2009 at 07:49 AM
p.2 #20Can photography mend a broken heart?
Staying busy is not running away. It's working through, and it is the advice given by all doctors in how to keep from succumbing to a stressful time in your life.
Keep it up. Cheers to your efforts.
Keep it up. Cheers to your efforts.
Aug 25, 2009 at 08:16 AM