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Archive 2009Can photography mend a broken heart?
p.1 #1Can photography mend a broken heart?
Don't know why I'm posting this but sometimes there are things you just have to get off your chest.
This week has been the worst week of my life. What started with excitement at the thought of buying a new Canon 100mm 2.8 Macro has slowly turned into one that really has shattered me.
It started last weekend when I came down with Swine Flu. Having spent all week in bed I then had to prepare for a funeral on Friday. It was my aunt's who had died of a brain tumour and she was only in here 50's.
On the eve of the funeral I phoned my long term girlfriend of 12 years for a bit of a natter and to let her know I was over the Swine flu and also to see if she fancied catching a film at the cinema at the weekend.
The situation with us is we don't live together, we are still with our parents due to spending alot of our savings over the years traveling the world together. We have done everything together, from Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Malaysia, Orangutans in Borneo....in fact everything worthwhile in my life I have shared with this girl and pretty much every photograph I have posted on here has been shot with her being by my side
Anyway to cut a story short during our natter on the phone she decided to split, mentioning all sorts of conflicting reasons which didn't make any sense. Having to cope with this and then to go to a funeral the day after has broken me. I cried at the funeral, but I couldn't tell if the tears were for my family or for myself.
I've known this girl I was 18. I am now 30 and she has been the only one in my life, and the thought of life without her just sinse seems impossible to take. Now i don't know what I am asking here, I spose I just want to know if anyone has had a similar experience because if so I really don't know where you get the strength to pick yourself up and carry on.....
Phil
This week has been the worst week of my life. What started with excitement at the thought of buying a new Canon 100mm 2.8 Macro has slowly turned into one that really has shattered me.
It started last weekend when I came down with Swine Flu. Having spent all week in bed I then had to prepare for a funeral on Friday. It was my aunt's who had died of a brain tumour and she was only in here 50's.
On the eve of the funeral I phoned my long term girlfriend of 12 years for a bit of a natter and to let her know I was over the Swine flu and also to see if she fancied catching a film at the cinema at the weekend.
The situation with us is we don't live together, we are still with our parents due to spending alot of our savings over the years traveling the world together. We have done everything together, from Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Malaysia, Orangutans in Borneo....in fact everything worthwhile in my life I have shared with this girl and pretty much every photograph I have posted on here has been shot with her being by my side
Anyway to cut a story short during our natter on the phone she decided to split, mentioning all sorts of conflicting reasons which didn't make any sense. Having to cope with this and then to go to a funeral the day after has broken me. I cried at the funeral, but I couldn't tell if the tears were for my family or for myself.
I've known this girl I was 18. I am now 30 and she has been the only one in my life, and the thought of life without her just sinse seems impossible to take. Now i don't know what I am asking here, I spose I just want to know if anyone has had a similar experience because if so I really don't know where you get the strength to pick yourself up and carry on.....
Phil
Aug 08, 2009 at 06:35 AM
p.1 #2Can photography mend a broken heart?
Of course it can!
it out of the question!
Just go out there see the cycle of life, the waves still crash rocks, the sun still rise and set, take out you macro lens a have a closer look at the bugs who use their short lives to make their part...
30 is not 90 and some people begin their new lives even at 60's, it natures way, every end is a new beginning!!!
Just grab you camera and go get em...!!!
Good luck!
it out of the question!
Just go out there see the cycle of life, the waves still crash rocks, the sun still rise and set, take out you macro lens a have a closer look at the bugs who use their short lives to make their part...
30 is not 90 and some people begin their new lives even at 60's, it natures way, every end is a new beginning!!!
Just grab you camera and go get em...!!!
Good luck!
Aug 08, 2009 at 06:53 AM
p.1 #3Can photography mend a broken heart?
Cheers Lion.
thanks for replying
thanks for replying
Aug 08, 2009 at 07:30 AM
p.1 #4Can photography mend a broken heart?
long story short, what happened to you sucks. Consider this a fresh start. You have no baggage and can do whatever you want. Pay a little more attention to yourself and do some stuff that just makes you happy. Now you may feel a little lost without your lady but I am sure you dedicated a large portion of your life to her. Take that time and spend it doing something else for yourself. Keep taking pictures it has made you happy and will continue to make you happy. I am sure you will find peace.
Doug
Doug
Aug 08, 2009 at 07:36 AM
p.1 #5Can photography mend a broken heart?
Every split I ever suffered through turned out to be for the better, as I gradually came to understand that I should aspire to much more in a relationship than I was going to settle for.
In your case, she "has been the only one in your life". You remind me of the operetta "Pirates of Penzance", where an old maid tries to snare a young guy "because she had been the only one in his life". Fortunately for him, the Pirates seize a ship full of young maidens...
I wish you such a ship...
In your case, she "has been the only one in your life". You remind me of the operetta "Pirates of Penzance", where an old maid tries to snare a young guy "because she had been the only one in his life". Fortunately for him, the Pirates seize a ship full of young maidens...
I wish you such a ship...
Aug 08, 2009 at 07:45 AM
p.1 #6Can photography mend a broken heart?
I've had that happen to me. Slightly different, but largely the same. After countless gallons of whiskey, starvation, and smoking packs of cigarettes that I did not smoke before, I can honestly say that you can and will pick up. When we say pick yourself up, dust yourself off and drive on, we literally mean picking yourself up off the floor. Or lower...
Extreme pain and misery is normal. You may feel like you are the only one - and you are, but you are not. So sorry you have to feel these things. It's the shits. Make damn sure you come out of the hole at some point, though. It isn't the end of the world and she doesn't, despite your heart's thoughts, define your meaning.
Extreme pain and misery is normal. You may feel like you are the only one - and you are, but you are not. So sorry you have to feel these things. It's the shits. Make damn sure you come out of the hole at some point, though. It isn't the end of the world and she doesn't, despite your heart's thoughts, define your meaning.
Aug 08, 2009 at 07:49 AM
p.1 #7Can photography mend a broken heart?
I forget where I heard this, it was somewhere corny like a TV show or something, but it really stuck with me:
"Go outside and take a deep breath. You'll find that the world is just where you left it."
I dont even remember in what context it was said, but as nature photographers, we can all relate to that. There is nothing as simultaneously enjoyable and stabilizing as just going out and watching how the world works without us.
"Go outside and take a deep breath. You'll find that the world is just where you left it."
I dont even remember in what context it was said, but as nature photographers, we can all relate to that. There is nothing as simultaneously enjoyable and stabilizing as just going out and watching how the world works without us.
Aug 08, 2009 at 08:01 AM
mikrasov
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p.1 #8Can photography mend a broken heart?
Life fucking sucks at times.
When I am broken, I go out and dissolve into nature.
Ive been in a bad mood for a week and then went outside into a Category 2 typhoon, listened to some angry music and let the winds and rain tare at my clothes. Somehow this made life easier to bare.
In the end time will heal all.
When I am broken, I go out and dissolve into nature.
Ive been in a bad mood for a week and then went outside into a Category 2 typhoon, listened to some angry music and let the winds and rain tare at my clothes. Somehow this made life easier to bare.
In the end time will heal all.
Aug 08, 2009 at 08:13 AM
p.1 #9Can photography mend a broken heart?
Thanks for your kind words guys. To be honest if I read my post these are the words of advice i'd be giving. Trouble is it's much harder to see the logic in these words when they are meant for you.
with regards to photography I have no motivation to do any at the moment. My problem is everything i do reminds me of my ex, and i don't know if I can keep living with those reminders. I've been saving hard for the last year to get the deposit for a house and i really thought it would be with this girl.
I am truly devastated in 12 years together we never had so much as an argument. I've treated her like I would wish to be treated, with respect, love and commitment and now life just feels pretty pointless and empty
with regards to photography I have no motivation to do any at the moment. My problem is everything i do reminds me of my ex, and i don't know if I can keep living with those reminders. I've been saving hard for the last year to get the deposit for a house and i really thought it would be with this girl.
I am truly devastated in 12 years together we never had so much as an argument. I've treated her like I would wish to be treated, with respect, love and commitment and now life just feels pretty pointless and empty
Aug 08, 2009 at 08:43 AM
p.1 #10Can photography mend a broken heart?
The memories are painful now, and will be for a while, but eventually will be some of your most valuable assets. Memories are all we have... don't try to lose them or avoid them. Go out, take photos, be reminded of her, while at the same time developing a new personal meaning for photography. If you don't, you risk losing TWO valuable parts of your life.
Aug 08, 2009 at 09:05 AM
p.1 #11Can photography mend a broken heart?
Well, in the scheme of things, these are pretty decent problems to have. You still live in a part of the world with abundant food and security. You obviously have a family that cares about you. I could go on, but suffice it to say that billions around the world are much worse off than you. You say you've traveled the world, so you should have experienced this first hand.
I would suggest you go do something for somebody else to get your mind off of yourself. Go help a friend, or a neighbor, or a parent, with some project. Just get out there
You'll be just fine.
I would suggest you go do something for somebody else to get your mind off of yourself. Go help a friend, or a neighbor, or a parent, with some project. Just get out there
You'll be just fine.Aug 08, 2009 at 09:07 AM
p.1 #12Can photography mend a broken heart?
Life does get pointless and empty at times. But they aren't the common denominator and I think you know this. People can do things to each other that seem pretty rotten. We hurt each other pretty badly all the time. Weather the storm because it is worth it. Like I said, you have to go way down low but it's also worth it on the climb back up. Way better things happen. At some point you will need to offer your honest and personal experience to a guy or girl that is going through the same thing you are right now. You need to go through this because they are going to need your experience. Believe me, it's no failure on your part. Life is really, really hard as it goes on. It can get worse, too. Go through it all the way. You're going to be glad you did. I promise that. I know. I know because I've been through that pain a few times in my life. Even worse if you can imagine. I can honestly say that at this point there isn't anything I know of that can get to me and destroy me except death itself. When that happens, given my faith and my beliefs, well let's just say I am not afraid of dying but I will never, ever allow someone on this earth to get to me enough to where I take my own life in my own hands. Ain't gonna happen. Won't allow it. That's not how I roll. You don't do the same either and don't entertain those thoughts like I think I am hearing. I promise you with everything I am, within the next years this will be memory only. Wouldn't you be giving the same advice? Life goes on as it is supposed to - see what's next. You'll be glad you did. I think all of us can accurately promise you that. Screw photography right now. You got other priorities unless pikshures is what you want to be doing. Photography can mend a broken heart, in a while...
Aug 08, 2009 at 09:16 AM
p.1 #13Can photography mend a broken heart?
Sometimes we have to get all the bad things out of the way at one time. Now consider that the bad is out of the way and the way is clear for the good stuff. Ole whats her name will be forgotten when an new person comes along that is better suited for you anyway. Remember this was the worst week of your life, lets keep it that way.
Aug 08, 2009 at 09:30 AM
p.1 #14Can photography mend a broken heart?
Redmonkee, I was in a similar situation when I was about 30.
My girlfriend of 5 years left me, and months later my twin brother died.
My gf and I were happy, rarely argued, and her leaving was a bit of a surprise. About a year later, she did come back to me for a while, but then realized things wouldn't work. So, you never know, things may not be over for good with you and her.
They say time heals all wounds and at first I thought that was nonsense, but as time passed, I realized there is real truth in this. I've never forgotten either of them, and never will, but the pain does ease, and you eventually get perspective.
Photography has helped me immensely... not just the trade itself, but the friends I've met along the way.
Drop me a line if you ever feel like talking.
Kind regards
My girlfriend of 5 years left me, and months later my twin brother died.
My gf and I were happy, rarely argued, and her leaving was a bit of a surprise. About a year later, she did come back to me for a while, but then realized things wouldn't work. So, you never know, things may not be over for good with you and her.
They say time heals all wounds and at first I thought that was nonsense, but as time passed, I realized there is real truth in this. I've never forgotten either of them, and never will, but the pain does ease, and you eventually get perspective.
Photography has helped me immensely... not just the trade itself, but the friends I've met along the way.
Drop me a line if you ever feel like talking.
Kind regards
Aug 08, 2009 at 09:37 AM
p.1 #15Can photography mend a broken heart?
That's a lousy, challenging situation. But things could get much, much worse if you had some type of major or chronic illness that took months or years to get under control (assuming it could be brought under control.) Consider yourself lucky that your health is intact, take care of yourself physically and reengage. What you're describing are problems that are within your ability to control and improve. That may not be the case with medical issues.
Aug 08, 2009 at 10:41 AM
p.1 #16Can photography mend a broken heart?
You'll likely have a hard time buying into this *at this moment*, and might even think me a rotten s.o.b. for saying it, 'but'.......
Given her timing, I'd say you're lucky to be done with her. I mean good grief....., you're already physically hosed from battling that nasty flu, and mentally/emotionally weakened from the loss of a family member, and *NOW* she wants to pile on and tell you....."Sorry, but it's time we split." Umm....ummm, ummmm......talk about hard-hearted.
Here's hoping you get a healthy dose of good news some time SOON. It will happen. The t-o-u-g-h part will be on you to find the strength to recognize, accept, and appreciate it when it presents itself. Find that strength.
Given her timing, I'd say you're lucky to be done with her. I mean good grief....., you're already physically hosed from battling that nasty flu, and mentally/emotionally weakened from the loss of a family member, and *NOW* she wants to pile on and tell you....."Sorry, but it's time we split." Umm....ummm, ummmm......talk about hard-hearted.
Here's hoping you get a healthy dose of good news some time SOON. It will happen. The t-o-u-g-h part will be on you to find the strength to recognize, accept, and appreciate it when it presents itself. Find that strength.
Aug 08, 2009 at 11:30 AM
p.1 #17Can photography mend a broken heart?
I'm sorry man but when you've hit bottom the only place to go is up...
Whenever I personally go through a tough time I turn to one of two things... photography or basically huge amounts of working out. Like going for 4-5 hour cycles...
The other thing that I have found helps hugely when your having trouble getting someone or something off your mind is to say "Stop" to yourself either in your mind or out loud whenever you think about it! At first you'll have to say it a lot.... maybe many times in a row... but eventually you'll find yourself thinking less and less about that trouble.
Anyhoo, stay strong and know you've got this awesome forum that numbers in the TRILLIONS (ok not trillions but alot of peeps) who've got your back!
Evan
Whenever I personally go through a tough time I turn to one of two things... photography or basically huge amounts of working out. Like going for 4-5 hour cycles...
The other thing that I have found helps hugely when your having trouble getting someone or something off your mind is to say "Stop" to yourself either in your mind or out loud whenever you think about it! At first you'll have to say it a lot.... maybe many times in a row... but eventually you'll find yourself thinking less and less about that trouble.
Anyhoo, stay strong and know you've got this awesome forum that numbers in the TRILLIONS (ok not trillions but alot of peeps) who've got your back!
Evan
Aug 08, 2009 at 11:46 AM
p.1 #18Can photography mend a broken heart?
Look forward not back. The best is yet to be. Truly.
Aug 08, 2009 at 11:48 AM
p.1 #19Can photography mend a broken heart?
Phil, their is much beauty in the world, especially in the natural world. For me, natural beauty does wonders for my health... Photography can have a part in this too.
I hope that nature can serve as a beautiful constant in your life.
All the best...
I hope that nature can serve as a beautiful constant in your life.
All the best...
Aug 08, 2009 at 11:53 AM
p.1 #20Can photography mend a broken heart?
I'm really sorry to hear about this. Life can take very tough turns at times.
If it's any consolation, God is always watching and has all the answers - you just have to chase Him for them, sometimes. I know He's there for you, even though it may not make much sense in the moment.
I'll be praying for you.
If it's any consolation, God is always watching and has all the answers - you just have to chase Him for them, sometimes. I know He's there for you, even though it may not make much sense in the moment.
I'll be praying for you.
Aug 08, 2009 at 11:56 AM