Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

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Archive 2010 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

Nathan Whitchu
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p.2 #1 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

Mitchel107 wrote:

I will, however, continue to shoot with her if she needs the help.

That's not the position I would be taking. You should be willing to shoot for if either A: she's willing to treat you right (respect, on time paychecks, etc...) or B: you need the money (nothing wrong with holding down a job to help support you while you're building your business up).

Feb 08, 2010 at 05:00 PM

hyperion
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p.2 #2 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

Feb 08, 2010 at 05:16 PM

Mitchel107
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p.2 #3 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

Nathan Whitchu wrote:
Mitchel107 wrote:

I will, however, continue to shoot with her if she needs the help.

That's not the position I would be taking. You should be willing to shoot for if either A: she's willing to treat you right (respect, on time paychecks, etc...) or B: you need the money (nothing wrong with holding down a job to help support you while you're building your business up).

Well I know that success isn't going to come instantly when I jump ship. I am going to need bookings. So, I'll take them from her if she wants to pay. I'm not going to stand for any bullshit though and I'll be taking a firmer stance when I have some ground of my own to stand on.

About six weeks from now she's going to have the news.

Project: 'Bout Time' commences in June.

8)

Feb 08, 2010 at 07:11 PM

ksmahgrts
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p.2 #4 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

you've made the decision and are holding off on discussing any of the details with her? i'm still wondering if you've ever addressed her behavior or if she's completely in the dark.

Feb 08, 2010 at 08:02 PM

Mitchel107
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p.2 #5 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

i have an investor interested in me. the money that he is willing to invest will be available in June.

The responses I give her are something like 'mitch bitch got burned out in third grade' or 'im going to need a raise for that' or 'im going to shoot for someone else on this date because i need the money'

i haven't sat her down and talked to her because she is an adult. maybe i should, but instead im going to make a move....

Feb 09, 2010 at 04:43 AM

ksmahgrts
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p.2 #6 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

responding in jest -like your mitch bitch retort- is only condoning her behavior. you're not doing either of you any favors by mimicing her childishness.

Feb 09, 2010 at 05:25 AM

Mitchel107
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p.2 #7 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

mitch bitch is not a new joke. i've had some good practice in letting people know it's a played out, old ass joke that got old in third grade.

i don't answer it in jest.

THAT JOKE WASN'T EVEN FUNNY IN THIRD GRADE

Feb 09, 2010 at 05:30 AM

ksmahgrts
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p.2 #8 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

by "in jest" i mean that you don't clearly express that you do not approve of her behavior. by blowing it off or being sarcastic - anything that doesn't specifically address the issue - you're just digging yourself deeper.

am i the only person who knows how to have an adult conversation here?

Feb 09, 2010 at 06:14 AM

gravy graffix
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p.2 #9 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

yes....

Feb 09, 2010 at 06:16 AM

Mitchel107
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p.2 #10 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

okay i misunderstood you when you said jest. i have always understood 'jest' to mean joking.

jest–noun
1. a joke or witty remark; witticism.
2. a bantering remark; a piece of good-natured ridicule; taunt.
3. sport or fun: to speak half in jest, half in earnest.
4. the object of laughter, sport, or mockery; laughing-stock.
5. Obsolete. an exploit. Compare gest.
–verb (used without object)
6. to speak in a playful, humorous, or facetious way; joke.
7. to speak or act in mere sport, rather than in earnest; trifle (often fol. by with): Please don't jest with me.
8. to utter derisive speeches; gibe or scoff.
–verb (used with object)
9. to deride or joke at; banter.
Use jest in a Sentence
Origin:
1250–1300; ME; var. sp. of gest

Related forms:
jestful, adjective
jest⋅ing⋅ly, adverb

Synonyms:
1. quip. See joke. 2. jape, gibe. 4. butt.
Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2010.
Cite This Source | Link To jest

Explore the Visual Thesaurus »
Related Words for : jest
joke, gag, jape, laugh, jocularity
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jest (jěst)
n.
A playful or amusing act; a prank. See Synonyms at joke.

A frolicsome or frivolous mood: spoken in jest.

An object of ridicule; a laughingstock.

A witty remark.

v. jest·ed, jest·ing, jests

v. intr.
To act or speak playfully.

To make witty remarks.

To utter scoffs; gibe.

v. tr.
To make fun of; ridicule.

Feb 09, 2010 at 07:46 AM

Mitchel107
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p.2 #11 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

I didn't 'jest'

I told her flat out that the joke is not funny. She loves it.

I don't know your name, but if it rhymed with bitch, stupid, idiot, moron or whatever, and you have heard it your whole life would you laugh it off in a professional setting?

I hope not? I wouldn't and I don't.

I make an effort to surround myself with people that have a little more class. This time, in working for who I do, I made a mistake. I didn't see it coming and I'm getting out of it.

It's pretty simple.

The point of this post is was to hear from new or expecting mothers what kind of strain they would feel in a scenario like the one I am about to impose on a fellow human being.

Regardless of what I've done to get into this situation or what I'm going to do to get out of it or whether she deserves to get left high and dry, I have human compassion and all I want is some input about WHAT KIND OF STRAIN WOULD A NEW OR EXPECTING MOTHER FEEL IN THIS SITUATION because I care about people. It's as simple as that.

Feb 09, 2010 at 07:51 AM

Brian Lingle
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p.2 #12 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

"WHAT KIND OF STRAIN WOULD A NEW OR EXPECTING MOTHER FEEL IN THIS SITUATION"

There are too many unknown variables to answer that. She sounds like she's already overwhelmed with just trying to keep up with her business. Some women are more easily stressed and some handle and juggle multiple things easily. Does she have a supportive spouse, family, grandparents? Will she suffer post natal depression? Who knows?

Feb 09, 2010 at 08:03 AM

Patrick Elliott
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p.2 #13 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

I really think ksmahgrts hit the nail on the head on this one. You have to address this situation directly. Little retorts of "that got old in the 3rd grade" will not work. By not really addressing what is going on, you are enabling her behavior.

This is where so many relationships (personal, business, etc.) go wrong. People do not communicate properly. I have a question for you. In all honesty, have you addressed her as completely, directly and frankly as you have aired your thoughts on this forum? Too many times in relationships, people vent & complain to anyone and everyone else besides the one person they need to.

The point of this post is was to hear from new or expecting mothers what kind of strain they would feel in a scenario like the one I am about to impose on a fellow human being.

I understand your compassion, but look at what you are doing. You are accepting the blame for this situation by saying "I am about to impose on a fellow human being." Actions have consequences and people have no need to learn that or change bad behavior unless they face those consequences. She is not treating you like a human being, and her being pregnant (situation, hormones, etc.) is NOT an excuse to do so.

Feb 09, 2010 at 02:15 PM

Jeff Babineau
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p.2 #14 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

Mitchel107 wrote:

The responses I give her are something like 'mitch bitch got burned out in third grade' or 'im going to need a raise for that' or 'im going to shoot for someone else on this date because i need the money'

Those all seem to me like... "Just joking" or " not that serious" type comments .
You rellay didn't come off as this bugs me.
or piss off this is not the way I want to be treated in front of cleints.

Feb 09, 2010 at 03:08 PM

ksmahgrts
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p.2 #15 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

Mitchel107 wrote:The responses I give her are something like 'mitch bitch got burned out in third grade' or 'im going to need a raise for that'

that is "in jest" - i don't need a dictionary, thanks. make up your mind. in one breath you say you haven't addressed it because "she's an adult" and in the next breath you're saying you've told her "flat out" that she's not funny. calling someone "unfunny" isn't responding to the situation in a way that will cause anything to change.

i'm not even going to quote the compassion BS. you come to a forum, dog this woman, her integrity, and her skills, decide to leave her, but aren't going to tell her for a few months, leaving her less time to find your replacement, and then you paint yourself as mother teresa because you're seeking advice on how to deal with a pregnant woman? give me a break.

i'm not even going to get started on the level of chauvinism exhibited by even starting this thread in the first place. her pregnancy will have little or nothing to do with the way she processes your news. she very well may be an ass - or lack the "class" which you clearly have in abundance - but at least she's transparent.

Feb 09, 2010 at 03:17 PM

Mitchel107
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p.2 #16 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

No I'm not trying to be mother theresa. All I wanted was some input from new or pregnant mothers. Yeah, I don't like the woman. I hate the smell of her belches when she is talking to me in the office and the smell of her farts when we are in the car. I hate my job.

I just wanted some input about what kind of stress might happen with her.

So sorry if I'm not playing the game like you want. Call me chauvinist or tell me I'm not dealing with it right. Fine. I'll take that into consideration. I may change the way I play things out. Thank you.

When I respond to her about the comments, she is hearing more than just typing on a forum. From my body language to my tone of voice, I'm not joking around when I respond to her. I don't even want to keep going on about this because it's not the information I was looking for.....

Feb 09, 2010 at 03:55 PM

Mitchel107
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p.2 #17 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

@Patrick

In all honesty, no I haven't.

Now, people can jump all over me for this one or whatever.....we'll see.

When I say that I haven't sat her down and told her things like 'look you need to stop calling me names and belching in front of clients and farting in the car and putting your foot on my desk while im working etc etc' because she is an adult, it is to say that I feel like she has already been brought up into the way she acts and that she represents herself through her actions.

I'll interject here that I mess up as well. While I have the goal of having class, I really do miss the mark sometimes. ksmahgrts has helped me show everyone an example of this.

ok so i'm thinking to myself at work, 'man this sucks. i'm leaving. i feel guilty because she is pregnant'. im NOT thinking 'i really need to sit her down and have a discussion with her about how she acts and what she does.'

to everyone:
i'm really sorry if i come off like a jackass. i actually am a jackass from time to time. like right now i guess. but hey, i was just wondering if losing someone from your tiny business would cause too much strain on a new or expecting mother. just wondering. just curious.

curiosity killed the jackass eh?

Feb 09, 2010 at 04:12 PM

Phyl
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p.2 #18 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

You don't seem like a jackass to me. I can appreciate that you'd like to "let her down as easily as possible" while her hormones and emotions are at an all time high. I actually find that considerate. Just give her as much notice as possible. If you're going to leave in 5 months go ahead and tell her that now rather than wait. It will help her to adjust before things in her body go any more haywire than they already are.

I wouldn't bother telling her all the little things that irk you (at this point) since she will likely spin into a mantra of "I can change that" and it will create a very contentious existance for the duration, but rather that you are leaving to pursue your own personal and artistic growth. She can't argue that.

You will have to agree, I'm sure, not to try to sell to her client base (which unless you really are a jackass you wouldn't do anyway). And she may want you to leave right away to protect that ... but by the sounds of it, I doubt it.

Feb 09, 2010 at 04:35 PM

lisy78
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p.2 #19 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

Mitch,

I wouldn't say anything until you're ready to fly on your own.

In an ideal world she would meet your offer of 5 more months of help with gratitude for your consideration of her pregnancy and her business.

Odds are though that she will instead serve you a platter of "GTFO Now, Bitch" either immediately or as soon as she finds a suitable body to replace you.

That being the case I would stick to the standard two weeks notice and only then offer to stay on longer if that would help her business. That way if she says GTFO you can answer "gladly!" and mean it.

Ciao!

nOt liSy

P.S. You will be a MUCH HAPPIER person when you try to confront someone directly and clearly and with 100% intensity about something that bothers you. My better half has a problem with this because she doesn't want to seem like the bad guy pointing out something that to her is obvious (you know... she's an adult type thing) ... and frankly I've seen this cause relationships that could have blossomed if some issues were headed off immediately turn seriously cancerous. I would strongly advise you to think about this and work on changing that. I can assure you that YOU will be a much happier person once you start being clear about your expectations and your feelings as soon as practical after an event takes place.

Feb 09, 2010 at 05:33 PM

Mitchel107
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p.2 #20 · Different Kind of Prego Photog Situation

Thanks Phyl I've been mulling around this in my mind wondering if I've really effed up.

Even though I really do screw up sometimes, I do try to do things ethically.

About her clients: I'm not a good fit with them anyway. I could use the work, but I don't really want them. I have very few of her contacts in my possession anyway because I don't want them because they plain aren't mine.
Also, when I was first starting out I made sure to ask a lot of questions about ethics such as 'is it ethical to second shoot for multiple photographers?' or even 'should I shoot a shot if the groom has a cig?'

Once I was presented with a new situation. A family member of the bride/groom we were shooting and came over to ask me if I was personally available to shoot their wedding. They were looking for someone lower cost and would use me. I said 'yes I am available.' I went over to my boss's (different boss) camera bag, pulled out his business card and gave it to the client. I said 'If you want to book me you are going to have to go through 'boss' because I'm working his territory.

I don't know guys. I think I have all of the input I want [can handle] from this thread. I've got to feed some kids and then get to work.

Thanks

Feb 09, 2010 at 05:39 PM

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