Jazno
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Hi Maurizio, I like your idea. I don't see anything wrong with the pens, per se, but I think the problem lies in your combination of elements. The way I see it, you've got a top on a plain background, the focus automatically going only to the shape and form of the top and not to its interaction with other elements. But, with the addition of the pens, it seems the image becomes more interactive, like it's about the capture of a moment in time, no longer about only focused on light and form. The problem with that is you still have a plain black background, which is not something that pens and a top would normally be sitting on, I think therefore that it loses its light and form appeal and at the same time loses its moment in time appeal. I think if you were to swap the background for something like a desk top, where pens and a top could conceivably be, this would pull together quite nicely. Or alternatively, since you're having trouble composing a single top, try with two, or even three tops.
As far as lighting, you might try bouncing the desk lamp off of something to help soften the light a little. Either a ceiling, a white box or bed sheet, anything fairly large and single colored will work (Although if you use something besides white you might need to adjust white-balance) Desk lamps are one of my favorite tools, being beaten only by mini-maglights for shots like these. 
You've got an excellent idea and technically there is very little wrong about this shot. (And you've probably still got some hours to re-shoot since Fred hasn't picked finalists yet.)
Jason
P.S. This is of course, just my opinions, not necessarily right or wrong. Feel free to disagree.
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