I would prefer a more silhouette type shot with their heads up straight instead of turned to the side. This may prevent a true "kiss" but would make for a better looking shot, IMO. Also, the light seems to be a little intense behind their heads in this picture. I would have zoomed the flash out more for a greater spread and less intensity.
These issues would mean less had the subjects taken up less of the frame. If this was a full body shot (or smaller) this identical setup would have worked better. As is, when you're zoomed that close on the faces of your subject, everything needs to be spot-on for it to really "work".
Nice first attempt. As others have said there are ways to improve but you're clearly off to a good start. I really like the one that you have as the banner on your FB page!
This sort of light feels really unnatural. Have you considered moving the light further away, dialed down a bit, and off to a side, like they're being lit by a lamp post or something. Maybe gel the flash for dramatic effect even. Jon mold did an awesome snow shot with OCF recently (similar except he nailed it in every way)
I don't have a problem with the quantity of light. I see nothing wrong with it. What I do see is them smashing their faces into one another. A couple of things I have my couples not do: no puckering, and no smash mouthing. Soft slow (barely) kiss if you're going to take a photo of it.
