I'm partial to the original......very nice! Like this a lot.
If you're worried about it being too centered, I wouldn't. This is a perfect example where strictly adhering to the rule of thirds would be a mistake (IMO, of course). While it might be a bit centered on the horizontal, it's more than sufficiently offset from center on the vertical axis to not leave the viewers eye stuck in the center.
*IF* I were to make any changes at all, it might be worth trying to burn the lower left corner somewhat....just to balance the darker tones in lower right. Not sure how well that would work (let alone whether it's even necessary), but it might be worth taking a stab at.
