For the last, I find my eye drawn to dark area defined by the falling hair. From just playing with re-sizing, see what you think of a vertical crop following the line of the door(?) frame. That way the arm leads into her face, her cheekbone and eye, with the hairline helping hold the eye without another lighter area to the right competing for attention. Also, the sweeping arc of the falling hair is a dynamic tending to pull the eye off the image.
I'm not sure if I can help since we use different software and I am not familiar with the NEX 5. I have used Lightroom in the past but I prefer Photoshop for now. As far as recovering detail from shadow areas, this can be pulled out of a RAW file if your software has a raw editor. I use Photoshop CS5 and an editor pulls up when I edit RAW files ( Camera Raw 6.3). One of the sliders is fill light. Fred sells Photoshop actions that automate processes for you. I have a Shadow Recovery action from Fred but I don't believe he sells it anymore. I used that to pull detail from your JPEG.
As far as locking focus on your subject. Many cameras have a focus lock on the shutter button when pressed halfway. I can lock on my subject and then pan if I want that focus subject away from the frame center. I am not sure if the NEX 5 has this capability. I use an old Nikon SLR camera. A fast shutter speed will ensure that your handheld shots will be more in focus. Hope this helps. John
