It's okay. The hair in her face bothers me. Also, the contrast is a bit flat and the highlight on her hair is totally blown. Finally, your blue copyright ruins the sepia toning. If the photo is in sepia, your copyright should not be in color. Try white. Not to be overly critical, I DO like the pose!
is this better? Color version with some highlight/shadow work, and white Logo.
As for the crit- have at it. I have thick skin, and want to learn. I come here for honest crits, not just the typical "wonderful, that should be on a magazine" kind of comments on other forums.
I like it. You captured a very natural relaxed look. Great eye contact and the hair in the face make the photo. I even like the highlights on both sides lightening the hair.
I would remove that one hair above your logo.
The Sepia needs a little more contrast.
Careful with those damned LR presets... sometimes, though it may make your image look better or at least much different, it doesn't necessarily make it a great shot. Not to say this isn't decent, but I think you're more impressed with it compared to the original then as a stand alone.
Oh, I like the color so much better, especially with that hair color and light. I'd clone or crop the liight blue logo on her shirt. You might think about cloning all the strays in the top right, but that's a bigger job.
I think the pose of #1 really nails the 'kid' in this young lady. With a little bit more post processing (contrast and fix the blown highlights if possible) added it would be a superb image. I like it a lot.
personally, I like the hair on the original image. It says casual and laid back, not posed and contrived. thanks all for the comments and suggestions, as well as opinions.
I don't mind the hair in the face, as someone noted it says "teen but still a kid" better than anything. With eyes like that I clearly like the color version better, but there are some distracting elements, e.g. hair above logo, or light blue sign on shirt.
2nd shot is MUCH better. As for color vs sephia.. you need to do some level tweaking not just use the preset settings. And that hawk watermark is much better than the blue text in all situations. Its easier to read and less distracting.
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