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Howdy Mark,
The choice of how much of a ratio or 'shadow to light' is purely a subjective (opinion or taste) choice.
I tend to like significant amounts of shadows as I like a darker image with light on the face. But, that is just my personal preference (like I prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate).
For your purposes, since you are controlling the light, I would suggest trying variations.
Take a look at the second image you posted. Notice around the nose. There is a shadow but it is very faint. Now look at the shape and color/tone of the skin on his cheeks and forehead. Notice that the skin seems to be the same 'lightness' on all surfaces? This indicates almost 'flat' light. In other words, the face is 'flattened' because there is such even (same amount of light) coming from both sides of the face. This rarely occurs in nature unless someone is looking directly at the sun. So, it is more 'natural' to see one side of the face with more 'shadow' (even if not a dark shadow) tone than the 'highlight' (lighter) side.
For working with your son, I would simply move one of your lights further back (try twice the distance to your son as the key light). You did not mention what type of light you are using. IF you are using inexpensive 500w halogen 'worklights' like you find at home depot, then DO NOT put anything like fabric near them (to diffuse the light). Instead, simply turn the light around and face it away from your son. Then reflect the light back to his face by using a reflector (big piece of white foam core) or simply a wall in your house.
You could also try bouncing one light off the ceiling, while another is more direct to the face.
Describe your lights in more detail or post a photo of your set. It will help me help you. "Shop Lights" could mean two tube fluorescents or it could mean 250- 500w halogen 'hot lights.' Tell me what kind.
So, if you have one light pointed at the boy, and the other pointed at the wall, you will have a 'key' and a 'fill' and probably see a big difference in the light on his face with more 'shape' and 'definition' of the facial features and contours. Try it and post anothe pic.
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