I got a call from my friend this morning, The mother passed away last night.
She went into hospital the day after our shoot for a few days but when she came out she was on a lot of Morphine and knew the end was near.
My friend showed me a text message she sent him a few days ago again thanking him for the pics and saying it meant more to her than we would ever know or she could put into words.
I knew she was a very sick woman but to look at the pics of the family and to realise I did them just over a week ago and now she is gone just adds to the tragedy of this story.
I have lost a lot of people in my life and I think I normally handle it pretty well, but seeing I didn't really know this woman or her family save for spending a few hours with them, I'm pretty surprised how much this whole thing has upset me.
I am very sad she has passed but somewhat numb as well. My friend went to pains to tell me it's all for the best for her and I made her very happy with what I did which I understand, but it doesn't seem much consolation for the whole rotten situation which is just wrong no matter which way you slice it.
The kids are really the ones I feel for now. I lost my mother at a similar age and know what they are going to go through. It's going to be very hard for them for some years but the upside ( and maybe the only one) is that for their pain they will grow up to be more independent and self sufficient which especially in this day and age, will most likely set them up to be ahead of the pack when it comes to their adult life.
They will struggle to remember their Mum in their own minds but at least they have some nice pics to help what ever memories they can recount and remember how incredibly brave their Mum was and how much she loved them.
Thanks for letting us know the next chapter in the story. Of course, it would put a lot of stress on you, because it takes you back to your own loss.
My prayers will be with the family, even though I don't know them. God does...
Thank you for sharing this event in your life. It's wonderful that you were able to bring something positive to this family's experiences. They will cherish your offerings for many, many years. I hope to see the family photos.
It's a sad story but it happens everyday. That poor woman must have been going through hell thinking that she will not see those kids grow up. A couple of years ago I getting a family pic for my cousins so they could give it to their mom and I didn't want to do it, I had no idea what I was doing. I got the large group then broke them down to their own families. I got my cousin and her husband and two small daugthers and less then a year later her husband was dead. It's the only family portrait they had together. The shot came out okay.
Now whenever parents want me to get shots of their kids I tell them that I also want them in some of the pictures and tell the story about my cousin and her husband. Her kids were only 2 and 3 at the time I think so they have no memories of their dad.
John P. Mulgrew: Now whenever parents want me to get shots of their kids I tell them that I also want them in some of the pictures and tell the story about my cousin and her husband. Her kids were only 2 and 3 at the time I think so they have no memories of their dad.
Similar experience here. I photographed my granddaughter's marriage when I didn't want to. My eyes were bad; I had just had eye surgery, and she insisted only her granny could do the job! The pictures turned out ok. They had two days together before he went off to Marine boot camp. She wound up pregnant. After boot camp she joined him in California on the base while he had further training—3 months. Then he was sent somewhere else and she came back to her Dad's where the baby was born. Daddy came home for the birth and was allowed a week with his new son. Then he was sent to Iraq. I got a few photos of him with his new son. Nine months later they sent Daddy home in a bag. Now, all that baby knows about Daddy is those few pictures.
Pictures can be so priceless!
Great suggestion above is to write those kids after a while. They need to know someone else understands their anger and feelings! That they are not the only ones with those feelings!
As it turns out, one of the last things the mother did was get some frames for the Photos I did.
Apparenly she was after some gold frames but not being able to find any, she went for some raw timber ones instead. She set them up on a prominent wall in the house between the living room and the kitchen in a square pattern with verticals and horizontals opposed. She was quite clear on what she wanted and so was the husband who insisted the " Odd picture out" as she called it being the individual portrait of her was placed in prominence above the the other 4.
My friend is quite fussy and particular when it comes to aesthetics and will go to amazing lengths to satisfy his sense of what looks good but he said he was really blown away with the whole look of the way the pictures were displayed. The frames go with the pictures absoloutley perfectly and the arrangement with her at the top is beautiful.
The mother too was very happy with her long awaited family gallery and sick as she was, took a good long look at them before she would let anyone take her out of her home for the very last time.
The Funeral is Today.
My friend has been helping the husband and the wife's sister with preparations.
The Husband wanted to put a slide show together to show at the church but was using a program he didn't realize could not be made into a DVD. My friend got all the pics and put them in another program we use a bit put some music on and even by his own always modest words, came up with something pretty special. The last pictures taken are the bookends to a great variety of shots including one taken of her in the hospital and at her worst where she is making fun of herself and other people as she knew how uncomfortable the whole thing made other people around her feel and she wanted to do her best to put them at ease and take their minds off it.
My friend also helped the Sister prepare the service book. She had cut and pasted various passages from different sources and the formatting was all over the shop. He spent many hours re- doing it so it was perfect and didn't get to bed till an hour after he normally get up for work. I have known him over 15 years now and being an adamant early riser, no one but him could have had me believe he stayed up till 5am when normally that would be a sleep in for him. He wasn't going to stop till it was all done properly and now he's satisfied that everything will be as perfect and correct as can be which is a trait often commented he and the mother shared.
Today the Kids will put on the clothes their Mum did get to see them wear for much happier reasons than which she originally bought them for but they will now fulfill. A photo she picked of herself will be on the coffin and some effort went into that as well to show her at her very best despite her Illness.
This chapter will be pretty much closed today, just a fortnight and 1 day after I did the shoot that I never could have imagined I would be so touched by. You hear about tragedy like this all the time and I have lived through more of my own than I like to remember but the cruelty of this situation and the minute involvement I had to do with it really touched a nerve.
I know those pics will be looked upon for a great many years to come and did give someone who had suffered a lot, a peace they didn't think they were going to have.
I have often wished I had the brains to do something important and have the power to help people and make a difference to their lives.
It's just now I realize just what a powerful thing I am the master of and the ability it has to give people some real joy and inner comfort that nothing else can.
I don't think the pics I took are marvelous works of Photographic art by any stretch but it they were, they probably wouldn't have filled their reason for being nearly as well. I know they fulfilled their purpose well over and above what anyone expected and will honorably preserve the memory of a loving mother, devoted wife and a very brave woman for at least a couple of generations to come.
Wow, what a heartbreaking story. Just four days ago I watched "Artificial Intelligence" again after watching it 8 years ago, and those last scenes with the boy and mother had me really screwed up and I was just beginning to recover. And now this...I wish this family the best and hope God gives them the strength to cope with their enormous loss.
I can only echo what has been said in the previous posts, but this story is going to remain with me for a long time. It gives us something to consider every time we go photograph a wedding or family. I have seen so many family portraits or group photos that always has somebody left holding the camera that should be in the photo. It is one of the "luxuries" when people hire one of us to do a shoot. Nobody has to to hold the camera when they should actually be in the photo, or have to prop the camera up somewhere and wait for the timer to go off, inevitably in a compromised angle or someone looking aways. Thank you for sharing this story with us an humbling everyone here as to what lifes problems actually can be.
I opened this hoping to see pictures and not words, then I read the story. I feel like a jerk even thinking that. This is a great story for the family to have some memories, but a damn shame for the mom. Here's hoping that she does as well as she can do.
Wow, I was not expecting that at all. Had a soft Loreena McKinnet song playing while I read, not a good situation.
This reminds me of the impact just one picture can have. I'm suddenly re inspired to make every shoot the best i possibly can, cause you never know what the reason behind it is.
