jaggedhorizon Offline Upload & Sell: On
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Here you go, hope it's not derailing too much from the thread / photo discussion. But you should see early on the connection.
Advice Never Received
A list of useful things
That your mother may have forgotten to tell you
(Get a cup of tea, we might be a while).
When crossing a lake
In a barrel
Don’t read a funny book
(Life is a serious thing.)
You will shake with laughter,
Roll around in the barrel,
Water will get inside and you’ll sink.
We never taught you how to swim.
Dad’s voice, offstage:
Make sure it’s a lake you’re crossing, son.
You don’t want to sail into the Niagara.
If you survive the fall, they’ll fine you.
When dressed in a giant pink chicken costume,
Patrolling the streets of Manhattan
With a leather briefcase under your left wing
Address policemen respectfully
They’re only trying to do their job.
And when they hit you,
Meditate on Buddhist forgiveness.
Dad’s voice, offstage:
Dress as a Hungarian three-legged chicken
You’ll be able to run faster
When they try to arrest you.
And if they still catch you
They won’t understand what you’re saying
And won’t be able to use it against you in court.
When climbing a giant cactus
Wear light clothing and no gloves.
(Life hurts and you should know that)
You are allowed to drink the water inside the cactus
To avoid sunstroke
But not too much
Or it will collapse underneath you.
And you’ve only ever flown in your dreams.
Dad’s voice, offstage:
Bring your sailing certificate
And an insurance form.
If they commit you to an asylum
You can just claim that you were climbing the mast
To look out for wet land.
There is no more advice.
No more time for this lesson.
I lied when I said this would take a while.
Anyway
Your mother and father taught you enough.
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