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Guest
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IndyFab wrote:
Condolences,.know exactly how you fill. All dog & cat owners go through this unfortunately, they just don't stay around as long as we would like.
Thank you. The last six days have been an inexorable nightmare for me - and have only just been concluded by the solemn ceremony me and my wife have held this past evening. I received the urn with the ashes at the clinic, brought it home for a farewell - coincidentally I've set the urn on one of the spots my cat was fond of - and then we scattered the ashes in the big communal yard's garden. That's because the yard where all the local cats are often wandering was the place we took her from back in 2010, so in a sense she's returning there. We also spread some of the ash beneath the jasmine bush so when this plant starts blooming later on we'll have an extra reason to remember her.
And yes, the cats don't last as long as humans do, of course, but ours had an especially short life (not even 7 years) marred by various illnesses she was suffering from since kittenhood - part of that was due to the fact that the {censored} original owners who have lots of semi-wandering cats aren't giving proper care to each and everyone, and she had a food poisoning early on that had thrown her pancreas out of whack. The last half a year was especially problematic because she had developed a serious kidney/bladder disease that we've only barely extinguished (at least turned from acute to semi-chronic but ultimately manageable/liveable). We even had to spay her in the process (late last September) because the infection has spread to the uterus. She had somewhat recovered by the late winter but the digestive problems have of late masked an acute poisoning - the origin of which will now forever remain a mystery - that we've discovered too late. Ultimately her organism was too weakened to cope and the liver failure was what has done her in.
I was actually surprised by the fact that I can react so acutely to her death - since she wasn't even a human, and I've been mostly devoid of any emotion for the last few years. But the sheer injustice of it all still burns me to the bones - the fact that an intelligent being (and she was most definitely intelligent, being the smartest and the most kind-hearted of any cats I've known) can in a moment cease to exist utterly and irrevocably, and nothing whatsoever would remain of all the experience, the personality, the - dare I say this? - soul. No wonder why every religion revolves around a certain concept of afterlife - even the primitive humans who led a harsh life could not wrap their minds around this injustice. Even I, a 21st century human with a college degree and a deeply rooted atheistic worldview, have started to bend towards a soothing, blind belief that somehow, some part of our loved ones may yet remain. Remaining at home alone on Monday I felt like I was starting to go insane in a sense, almost talking to her out loud even though she wasn't there and wasn't alive at all.
This was, of course, not the first case of me losing the people close to me - including older relatives. But as blasphemous as it may sound, for some reason I've never grieved so profoundly and so long. Even in her life, I was - to an extent - treating her as much more than a household pet - more like a child I've never had and likely never will.
All right, sorry for the long rant in the most inappropriate place. If you pardon me, I will publish a few more photos of her to keep all of this related to photography. Here's one from what was probably the last proper photo set - we did a few cellphone snaps of her during the treatment, but these are mostly too sad and / or too low quality to be publicly posted.
http://pp.userapi.com/c636322/v636322358/4f4f6/DXvhEWypGQg.jpg
Dec. 25th, 2016. She's already months into her illness but still active enough to scale windows. Actually, she remained this way almost until 10 days or so until her death.
Camera: 1D Mark 4. Lens: Canon 24/1.4L II @ f/1.8
http://pp.userapi.com/c636322/v636322358/4f53b/sS3Cb2PTZ4E.jpg
Nov. 20th, 2016. Cold autumn evening.
Camera: 1D Mark 4. Lens: 16-35/4L IS @ 35mm f/4.
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Mar 14, 2017 at 03:00 PM |
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