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Archive 2015 · Why Doesn't This Work?

  
 
PeterP1D
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p.1 #1 · p.1 #1 · Why Doesn't This Work?


Hi All -

This is one of those shots that I think should work but IMO doesn't quite. In taking it I was trying to capture the feeling of happening on someone having a quiet and pensive work break. The voyeuristic feel was deliberate. What can I do with this one, or what should I have done in the capture.

Thanks

Peter








May 26, 2015 at 11:55 AM
gschlact
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p.1 #2 · p.1 #2 · Why Doesn't This Work?


IMHO, it needed to be taken lower, closer to a sitting position.


May 26, 2015 at 12:17 PM
PeterP1D
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p.1 #3 · p.1 #3 · Why Doesn't This Work?


i agree. that is one of the things that I was thinking after the fact.


May 26, 2015 at 12:22 PM
ben egbert
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p.1 #4 · p.1 #4 · Why Doesn't This Work?


My first impression is that it is more about an alley with a person in it. The person is too small to be the the main subject.


May 26, 2015 at 12:30 PM
PeterP1D
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p.1 #5 · p.1 #5 · Why Doesn't This Work?


good point. shot in Dubrovnik and I really liked the narrow alleys so I am probably conflicted about what the subject actually is.


May 26, 2015 at 12:37 PM
lighthound
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p.1 #6 · p.1 #6 · Why Doesn't This Work?


I agree Peter. There is something here that works but it's hard to put a finger on it. I "think it's the nice lines you have here. Or the "quiet back alley break" message.

Is it just my eyes or is there a slight distortion on the right side wall and ground? I'd say maybe a slight CCW tilt is needed but the door on the left looks right as does the stairwell post?

+1 @ the lower angle comp.

Just a thought but have you considered doing a heavy dodge and burn with this image? Keeping the exposure of the girl and burn the alley way walls to add some contrast and drama? And even though I'm not a B&W fan, maybe this would look great in B&W with an old school vibe look to it.

I'm interested to see where you take this.

Dave



May 26, 2015 at 01:21 PM
AuntiPode
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p.1 #7 · p.1 #7 · Why Doesn't This Work?


There are some minor issues with rotation and subject placement in the composition, however, those are easily handled in post processing. The unfortunate larger issue is the white top merging visually with the bright stairs to make the subject insufficiently separate. However, working on the full-sized image using careful selections you may be able to tease the subject free somewhat from the bright stairs.







May 26, 2015 at 04:27 PM
PeterP1D
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p.1 #8 · p.1 #8 · Why Doesn't This Work?


Thanks Everyone - hopefully this is a step in the right direction.







May 26, 2015 at 04:56 PM
AuntiPode
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p.1 #9 · p.1 #9 · Why Doesn't This Work?


Moving the subject closer to the center makes the message less compelling to my eyes. However the separation of the subject from the stairs is a significant boost.


May 26, 2015 at 05:39 PM
RustyBug
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p.1 #10 · p.1 #10 · Why Doesn't This Work?


I think you've got plenty of goodness to work with here. A few ways you can go with it ... just gotta decide where your priorities are. If you are unsure what you want to show us, we'll likely be unsure what to look at.

I think you've got some excellent lines, tones & textures to work with ... all things for us to flit about the scene to enjoy, yet always anchored back to the woman.

As always, S&P to taste (needs a better frame choice though) ... I think it was nicely seen and captured with good use of framing and leading lines.

Alt crop for diff vibe.












May 26, 2015 at 08:50 PM
PeterP1D
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p.1 #11 · p.1 #11 · Why Doesn't This Work?


Thanks All, it has been really helpful to get other folks opinions and suggestions. The elements that I liked when I shot were the shape of the alley, the texture of the walls of the alley, the blue grate and the pink shoes. It seems that spreading the tonal range and cropping were pretty uniform takes on how to improve the shot. Given the choice between the right wall and the blue grate I'm inclined to keep the right wall (Karen's and Rusty's first crop).


May 27, 2015 at 08:33 AM
lighthound
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p.1 #12 · p.1 #12 · Why Doesn't This Work?


I really like Karen's edit here. Nice one Karen! That's very close to what I was thinking/saying and her D&B edit really helps draw the viewers eye down the alley right to the girl. It still has the cool gate/door on the left but it doesn't draw the eye to it and has also retained the curve line of the wall on the right.

I also like Kent's first edit where he used the lines and tighter crop to bring the girl into the main focus point and eliminated the distracting gate on the left.

I think your edit looks better by the way you isolated the girl from the bright stairway but the gate is still too much of a distraction from the girl IMHO. You definitely have some great options to play with here.



May 27, 2015 at 08:57 AM
Shasoc
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p.1 #13 · p.1 #13 · Why Doesn't This Work?


I believe Ben and Antipode made two valid points about the image. Based on those comments I re-edited the image cropping the image on top to give the sense of a lower POV and a bit closer to the subject (positioned on the upper 1/3rd) to make it more prominent. The subject was emphasized even more using darks and light and some sharpening/contrast. I also try to warm up the image for some mood. Not sure about the results
I believe the fact that the subject's face is turned too much away from the camera takes some mood away.
This is what I came up with.







May 27, 2015 at 10:43 PM
PeterP1D
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p.1 #14 · p.1 #14 · Why Doesn't This Work?


Very different feel. I like it


May 28, 2015 at 05:55 PM
GeorgieGirl
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p.1 #15 · p.1 #15 · Why Doesn't This Work?


I went in a totally different direction. I hope you don't mind...









May 31, 2015 at 07:55 PM
lylejk
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p.1 #16 · p.1 #16 · Why Doesn't This Work?


I do agree with Shasoc; a darkened corridor is the way to go imo. Of course I was a little lazy with my implementation, and, though I agree with Shasoc's crop, I did not do so since I don't want to be accused of copy-catting. lolol



http://imageshack.com/a/img905/6065/w1fo3O.jpg



May 31, 2015 at 08:32 PM
Lee Saxon
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p.1 #17 · p.1 #17 · Why Doesn't This Work?


The first crop suggested by RustyBug does it for me (except for the white top issue which is a bummer).


May 31, 2015 at 10:14 PM
Greg Campbell
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p.1 #18 · p.1 #18 · Why Doesn't This Work?


It doesn't work because using an HDR-ish tonal scale like this is generally a BAD THING.

Try some simple curve tweaks, and maybe a crop to trim some of the more distracting elements.

I'd gravitate toward an image similar to several others' suggestions:




Jun 05, 2015 at 04:27 PM
zunkus
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p.1 #19 · p.1 #19 · Why Doesn't This Work?


I do like what Rustybug has done with the image.


Jun 05, 2015 at 04:34 PM
hadley
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p.1 #20 · p.1 #20 · Why Doesn't This Work?


i'd still like to see a b/w version. maybe greg's in a heavy noir style. the modern dress of the subject just seems to stand out against the architecture imo so going to b/w might make that less obvious. i love the composition though.


Jun 07, 2015 at 11:41 PM
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