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Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close
  
 
Jaboogy
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p.1 #1 · p.1 #1 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


Rookie here, to the forum. Father was a professional photographer, I've been taking pictures since I could walk.

Fairly new to the wedding industry, five years, and have never had a bride micro manage as much as one of my current brides.

Have yall had this before? Her wedding is in two weeks. We've been booked for more than a year. Used to receive an email every two weeks or so. In March, I began receiving them daily. Now, it's two or three a day and multiple texts.

She is now asking me if I will work with the wedding planner so that every (yes, every single shot) can be planned and timed into the schedule. i.e., picture with dad seeing daughter in gown for the first time @ 4:33 p.m.

How did yall handle it?

(and yes, she sent me multiple shot lists to make sure to capture - even though my contract says it does not guarantee any shot list.)



Apr 03, 2014 at 07:39 PM
rodmcwha
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p.1 #2 · p.1 #2 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


This is a recipe for disaster, and i would recommend you get it resolved before the wedding. (complaints and lawsuits are so unpleasant!)
If your contract says no shot lists, make sure she acknowledges this.
Did she hire you because she likes your work? Then she should let you work your way.
She is creating a scenario in which you can't possibly come out a winner.
Good luck!



Apr 03, 2014 at 07:58 PM
TTLKurtis
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p.1 #3 · p.1 #3 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


I think you need to have an open and honest chat with her and explain that this is simply not how this works. There needs to be some trust, and Pinterest is not real life. Have her look at some full past weddings and explain that none of those had things planned out in such a manner as it's simply impossible in a candid environment, not to mention entirely unrealistic getting to-the-minute scheduling like that.


Apr 03, 2014 at 08:16 PM
J Knight
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p.1 #4 · p.1 #4 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


Is it possible to have a word with the wedding planner, get their take on the situation. They may be as stressed by the bride as you. If you can get together a joint meeting of the wedding planner, you and the bride, maybe between you it will be possible to sort out some kind of realistic but supportive plan for the bride to buy into.


Apr 03, 2014 at 11:41 PM
Nikon_14
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p.1 #5 · p.1 #5 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


Look at the bright side...
You only need to endure this long enough to cover the wedding day and produce the album.

The groom's task will be of much longer duration.



Apr 04, 2014 at 12:06 AM
SGallant
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p.1 #6 · p.1 #6 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


TTLKurtis wrote:
I think you need to have an open and honest chat with her and explain that this is simply not how this works. There needs to be some trust, and Pinterest is not real life. Have her look at some full past weddings and explain that none of those had things planned out in such a manner as it's simply impossible in a candid environment, not to mention entirely unrealistic getting to-the-minute scheduling like that.

+1

Has she given any indication as to why she is like this? Like, hey I am real OCD. Or hey my friend's wedding wasn't what they expected?



Apr 04, 2014 at 12:19 AM
Jamesbjenkins
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p.1 #7 · p.1 #7 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


If this were me, I'd have nipped it in the bud several months ago.

My statement would be something like this:

"[Bride's name], I can really appreciate how stressed and concerned you must be. But one of the main reasons my clients consistently rave about me is that we make the big day look absolutely amazing, without our wonderful brides ever having to worry about micro-managing us. We have a shot list that we've learned from experience that every bride wants, and you've given us the shots that are important to you individually.

You have hired a highly skilled professional. Your wedding planner and I have spoken at length, and we're totally on the same page. Please let me do what I do best, and you focus on other areas of the planning that need your attention.

And don't forget to relax and enjoy this!! "

---

Or something like that. There have been several "freak out" brides, where I've had to basically grab them by the shoulders, tell them it's going to be OK, and to take a deep breath and let me do my job.

Sorry you have one of those brides!



Apr 04, 2014 at 01:07 AM
Nikon_14
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p.1 #8 · p.1 #8 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


Jamesbjenkins wrote
My statement would be something like this:

"[Bride's name], I can really appreciate how stressed and concerned you must be...



Good way to defuse things and tactfully tell them to just let you do the job they hired you to do.

It almost gives me the impression that you're used to dealing with people who have suffered major property losses or other situations that put them at their worst.



Apr 04, 2014 at 01:27 AM
 

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D. Diggler
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p.1 #9 · p.1 #9 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


Jaboogy wrote:
Have yall had this before? ... Now, it's two or three a day and multiple texts.


Never had anything like that. I worry for how this is going to turn out for you.

And you accept texts?!?



Apr 04, 2014 at 05:30 AM
nolaguy
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p.1 #10 · p.1 #10 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


In my humble opinion, wedding photographers are snipers. One primary target and many potential targets of opportunity. If she wants that many perfect kills she needs 30 shooters all with two or three specific bullets-delivered in mind.




Apr 04, 2014 at 12:11 PM
Prettym1k3
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p.1 #11 · p.1 #11 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


I hope she's local. You need to take her out to coffee.

First of all, explain the artistic nature of photography. She hired you because she saw work that you'd done. And to do your best work, they have to give you some freedom. Otherwise you're just regurgitating the crap they sent you from Pinterest.

Second of all, explain to her that if she plans her day like that, as soon as a single thing pushes the timeline 1 minute late, everything will get throw off, and a timeline that she built and designed won't even matter anymore. She'll feel rushed, and stressed out, to get back on track, instead of enjoying the day.

Now explain to her that you do everything you can to capture every moment. Ask her to trust you. As her to make a general timeline with notes about when things are going to happen, and have her give you an extensive family shot list, and more importantly, a brief and short "must have" shot list of out of the ordinary things. Usually a list of 3-5 things at most.

If she can't trust you, you may want to bow out of this one. This is a huge recipe for disaster.



Apr 04, 2014 at 09:11 PM
John Patrick
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p.1 #12 · p.1 #12 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


Prettym1k3 wrote:
I hope she's local. You need to take her out to coffee.


Coffee, with the bride's nerves? Heck no!

Take her out for wine: a glass for you, a bottle for her.

John



Apr 05, 2014 at 03:39 PM
ashton lamont
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p.1 #13 · p.1 #13 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


Have yall had this before?

Yes. You really can't avoid a few of these from time to time no matter how much you explain how you work etc. You can't avoid them any more than the ones who decide that the style they want is nothing like that which they've seen on your site and in your albums and which you've carefully explained to them. If you never get these issues you're probably not doing the volume ..... and if you did you would :- )

And because we get used to being treated with undue respect and reverence before and during, then rewarded with gushing praise afterwards it can be disconcerting if clients appear to question our competence by providing crib sheets that are largely filled with stuff we would do anyway.

Where there is a genuine risk because the clients desired shots are of the staged / posed type and are too ambitious for the timeline, but they are clearly important to her, then I ask her to prioritise them so that rather than shooting 1 to 100 sequentially I ensure I at least have the VIP ones in the can.

But more often than not its all down to her misunderstanding what is doable and what is unlikely.

On the day make sure that they say back to you stuff they decide to scrubb e.g. "oh we can't find all six flowergirls so we'll cancel that group photo". Yoiu say that back and she confirms. They have a habit of forgetting after the day and then the trouble can start.

You also need to emphasise - if there is lots of posed stuff - that you cannot find guests who you don't know and you cannot make tardy guests run around fast, you can only pose whats in front of you and press the shutter. She needs a couple of sheep dogs to round up participants, preferably extroverts who know as many guests by sight as possible.

You have the advantage that all your images are timestamped and that can help if there is any question over the timeline or available time afterwards.

Wouldn't it be nice if all weddings were easy, but its work and some are very hard work :- )

Pete



Apr 05, 2014 at 09:05 PM
D. Diggler
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p.1 #14 · p.1 #14 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


ashton lamont wrote:
we get used to being treated with undue respect and reverence before and during, then rewarded with gushing praise afterwards


Treated with respect and reverence? I must be doing something wrong.



Apr 06, 2014 at 05:22 AM
hieuhef
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p.1 #15 · p.1 #15 · Not Bridezilla, But Awfully Close


While I agree with a lot of what's being said in this thread, I think it's a bit too late to pull back on it and not have her freak out, which wouldn't alleviate the situation. I would probably grit my teeth, but take it as a lesson for future weddings to point out that in order for you to fulfill your potential, you can't have it run this way.


Apr 08, 2014 at 01:29 AM





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