Upload & Sell: Off
| p.1 #6 · is this bio/about me ok? |
There's two challenges in an About Me page, the way I see it. One is, there's an almost limited range confined to speaking of wedding photography, so the challenge there is coming up with a different way of saying it; kind of like getting a photo of a bride coming down the aisle but making it unique. "Tell a story that you can relive whenever you look back at them" is probably something all your competition says. How do you say that differently?
The second, very important, is to tap into your preferred client's mind and speak to her thinking. So mentioning great light means nothing to a bride unless she's knowledgeable about photography, understands what you mean and agrees with you. I'd stay away from any tech talk as a rule. Anything your reader finds boring or not relevant will cause them to lose interest.
Your opening is not great but ok though it's cliche ("If a picture is worth a thousand words") but you don't follow through on that thought, going into a kind of crass "HOTTIE" rant instead. How does that build on "if a picture is worth a thousand words"? It doesn't. Or at least you haven't shown the connection. Then you flip to talking about yourself giving some mild facts but nothing that grabs attention, and ends with a weak call to action. You're all over the place.
I'd scrap it all and start over. First of all, it's not congruent with what you're showing on your site. If you're all about making the bride look hot, I'd expect to see stunning "wow" type fashion shots of amazing looking brides all over your site. But I don't. I see more the natural, casual, average, down home, unpretentious bride on your site. That's what your portfolio says to me.
Write to her.
Sit down to write and turn off all distractions. You can't have any incoming stimuli when you do this because incoming blocks your thoughts from flowing from you. And write. Write to that bride. How does she feel about her photos? Put yourself into her place. Into her mind. How does she view the world? How does she feel? Write to that. Keep writing, let it flow, dig down to the core. Don't stop when you think you have it. Then come back to your notes a day later. You'll find you have nuggets in there.