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| p.1 #1 · Canon USA moving HQ to- Get this- Lake Failure |
You can't make up such stuff lol
From Canon Rumours:
LAKE SUCCESS, N.Y., September 17, 2012 – Canon U.S.A., Inc., a leader in digital imaging solutions, today announced that it would be moving it's corporate headquarters from Lake Success to the nearby town of Lake Failure. The move, being considered for several years under Canon's FF-6D initiative, is an effort to reduce overall operating costs for their U.S.A. division.
Lake Failure is a surprising choice for Canon as they had also considered a move to the town of Lake Nokin which many believe offers more benifits and amenities at a lower cost. One executive at Canon stated that "we know this choice is not going to make our employees very excited - but we feel that they don't really need all of the amenities in Nokin. We have a lot more experience making these types of decisions. Our employees will eventually realize that this move is the best thing for them at this time."
Family oriented employeess of Canon will be disappointed to hear that Lake Failure has 11 activity-fun (AF) parks while Nokin offers 39, 11 of which have cross park trails - Failure only offers one. Getting to these parks will also take longer as Failure's roads have lower speed capabilities than Nokin's. Canon employeess will also have to switch their toll fare provider as Failure does not support the more popular Car Fast (CF) system. One anonymous employee stated "I have been using the CF system for 10 years, now I have to put the Simple Dash (SD) system in all of my cars. Will I be reimbursed for this cost - certainly not!"
Lake Failure does provide Canon with Wi-Fi access throughout the town but many residents complain that the speed of the system makes it irrelevent for most tasks. Ken Blockwell, a long-time resident of Nokin says that he understands why Canon employees would be upset. "Nokin has always been a better place to live. And believe me I know, because I know everything."
The move is slated to be complete by December 2012 but Canon has acknowledged that it will review it's decision 12-18 months from now.
P.S. It's a satire- You CAN make up such stuff