Kegan Shattuck
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***Now With a Picture!***
I shot a wedding last weekend for one of the most fun couple I've met. A week or so before the wedding, "A" sent me this email. I couldn't stop laughing and forwarded it on to my pal Tom Harmon. He thought I should share it with the class, so here it goes...
BTW before I get flamed, I did tell the Bride I was so impressed with her humor that I was going to be publishing this.
Also, I'll be sitting here reading every post that tells me this isn't funny for the next couple hours. Thanks!
Ohhh my goodness. Talk about crunch time.
Rough Schedule is as follows - I know you won't be there for all of this, but just so you have an idea.
Saturday, July 28 - the craziest day of my life
8:00 am - after having been awake tossing and turning for the majority of the night, we will be meeting our in town friends and family at Crossroads diner for copious amounts of coffee and what little breakfast we can stomach.
10:00 - hair dresser and makeup artist arrive at the house to begin their transformation of us chicks into glorious garden maidens. We're a rough bunch - we expect this to take hours.
3:00 - A***** stops doing shots in hopes of being sober enough to walk a straight line down the aisle in heels. (Kidding...I'll still be drinking) We had talked about you arriving around this time to capture the obligatory "this is the dress on the hangar in front of a window" and "hey, does this ring match these shoes?" shots.
5:00 - A***** starts to panic because the ceremony is supposed to be starting
5:15 - Ceremony - only 15 minutes behind schedule. Phew.
5:30 - Ceremony finishes. Wedding party escapes for some pictures. Guests are ushered through the woods to a small clearing where they will receive glasses of bubbly and chocolate covered strawberries. Once they've downed this, they continue through the magic laced trails to the reception tent.
5:30-6:30 - Cocktail Hour. It's open bar - this is where things should start to get interesting
6:00/6:30 ish (roughly) - Stan, our outSTANding DJ, will announce the bridal party. Hopefully the bridal party will enter on this cue. Immediately following, the toasts. C******'s matron of honor brought up that toast was an odd choice for such a formal affair. We agree. So we'll probably just let some people say some nice things and tell slightly embarrassing stories about us.
6:30/7:00ish - Dinner! (This is fairly self explanatory) This should provide for some interesting photo opportunities. You see, my dress is a corset style number. This makes it completely impossible for me to sit, bend, breathe, or eat. Click away.
Post Dinner: For whatever reason, everyone seems to expect dancing at some point. Hopefully everyone has been successful in procuring a fair amount of free booze and will not notice my incredibly awkward moves. We will then allow the drunk folk to line up and pay to dance with their choice of either bride. THAT should be interesting. At some point following this, C****** will toss the garter, and I will fling some throwing bouquet at some unsuspecting bunch of girls who blessedly do not yet know how friggin stressful planning a wedding is. They actually WANT to catch this thing. Suckers.
Post Dance: Cake. Oh god, finally. Cake. I will go change into yoga pants and a hoodie if need be to dig into this bad boy. Each tier is a different flavor, and there is mousse, and frosting. Bring on the cake.
Dancing and merriment shall continue until roughly 11:00. It is rumoured that late evening festivities may or may not include karaoke. Following the formal reception, any remaining beer and wine will be toted to the fire pit, and then our party gets redneck. There is moonshine involved at this juncture. Seriously.
We expect the fire and drinking to continue until the wee hours of the morning. I will have a disposable camera ready, since I doubt you'll stay that late - and there is a county wide burn ban in effect that we are ignoring. We also live directly next to the Pamelia Fire Department. I'm expecting they'll drop by for a visit, and that is definitely a Kodak Moment.
That about wraps up the plans for Saturday. Although, as we get closer, I fully expect things will become curiouser and curiouser.
I will be off the e-mail grid after this afternoon - if you need to get in touch with me, text or call.
C******* has your check - she'll pass it off to you when you arrive.
See you Saturday!
Edited on Aug 08, 2012 at 06:27 PM · View previous versions
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